Mark Sword

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  1. Hello, I am rather confused on this particular sin in what regards of limits it takes to commit this strict sin also known as "Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost" or "Denying the Holy Ghost". Mostly, I stand trembled whether I have committed this unfortunate sin myself. From my understanding, not to preach false doctrine, to commit this sin is to; Be baptized and receive the Holy Ghost, hold the priesthood (though I do not know whether women can commit this sin), know God, and sin against him. Somewhere on the lines Joseph Smith wrote about. The question is, Is it "continual" open rebellion, one prolonged rebellion, or denying God once you have had a personal witness of the son after the father hath revealed him unto you? Some members had stated that if we are sincerely repentant, god will forgive us, but I don't exactly hold onto that as the fact. God clearly states that denying the Holy ghost (Jesus Christ), shall not be forgiven in this world or the world to come. I unfortunately fell far off the straight and narrow path when I was 14, I was a teenager by then, fighting with God in my point of view, for a misunderstanding I didn't know until later on. I wanted at the time to become an atheist, for I thought God gave me weaknesses as of a curse in the world, to put me through humiliation, which it did, but now I understand why he gave men weaknesses. I've been fed up with the spirit of the adversary, constantly pushing away god, seeking to fight against him, but soon I found two answers to my misunderstanding. During the end time of my rebellion, I became humble, but now I look back the past with horror, that I now may have become a son of perdition. I am willingly trying to repent though it seems God doesn't answer back. Have I gone too far, even with the excuse of misunderstanding? I never had a witness of the son, but I had mere faith. I question if the true "hell" also known as: "Outer Darkness" has been revealed unto me, for I am alone without the Holy Ghost. I wish I never had gotten myself into that rebellion, for I was in the wrong, and I understand my misunderstanding. Does God not love me, or rather he cannot forgive even me? I dare not wish to be cast out forever into the hosts of the devil themselves.
  2. Before I introduce myself, I want to make clear that I have read the rules to posting certain regards about types of various sins (including sexual immorality), and will make sure to keep those standards with upmost reverence to the members and to God himself. I am in need of advice, not here to dispute any manner of negative behavior towards our faith. I am a Morman. Good afternoon, my name is Mark Sword, I am currently a Priest of the age of 18. I find myself stuck or rather, terrified at my stance of life having many questions on my standing in the church. When I had turned 18, I soon realized of several mistakes that I have burded for a duration of my early years coming to the important decison of missionary work. I have ultimately come to the decision of counseling with the bishop of my ward in regards to sexual immorality, not to the extent that I'd find myself with temporary pleasure with a partner. All seemed good and well in the plan of my repentance, yet as my mistakes grew as an addiction my perception to stay in a corrcted manner in keeping the commandments easily broke off. Even until now I stand in the three paths; seeking complete and upmost godly sorrowful repentance, decline to purse wordly matters (yet I have learned in the scriptures as mostly anyone in the church that all wordly matters will die/vanish in the second coming), and the hardest decison of ending my own mortality. Even to this day I look at these three decisons, two as my main goals. I still put repentance on my main objective to correct my willingly sins, though the worldy matters still break my path to repentance. I find myself constantly praying for strenght to lead to sincere repentance, but to the next weekend I find myself in the same spot I was in when I realized that I had broken several points in the law of chasity, if not the whole commandment. To this point, I question myself if God (Jesus Christ) will not forgive me if I relapse and keep kicking against my pricks and eventually beat the sins that I may make that steady and corrected path to repentance (finding myself too late to repent). I do not see if God is still with me, mostly to the fact of me continuing my transgressions with willingness. I still ponder in the back of my mind, if he is mighty to save me. After my counseling with my Bishop, I have remebered two other sins more serious to my fault in sexual immorality. I will not discuss about the start and end of what made me committ to these very serious transgressions, but I will discuss partialy what I have done. Beginning when I was a Freshman in my high school years, I had the negative influences directly at me feeling to the point I was nothing but disabled, I felt ashamed that I had been born with two disabilities that affected me physically and mentally, that I could not live my life to marry and to have the family I wanted in the church. I began to apostatize from the LDS church, and came to the decison of ultimately leaving the once so ever greatness in joy church I had been bapatized into. I had started to fight with god with rebellion in my own anger towads him thinking he personally did this to humiliate me for the rest of my life given. For so long I had not understood why he had given me weaknesses that would literally affect my life's functionality. Then, I began to continually dread that there was no cure unto my main disability. I had looked ahead into my future seeing that I would only become victim to the falls of disadvantage of my weaknesses. I began to become greatly depressed of my weaknesses, starting to live in suicidal intentions. The fact I became overwhelemed that there wasn't a cure to my disability, and the fact I hadn't had any trust at the time that the Lord could help me, I started to plan Suicidal attempts, thinking I could atone my weaknesses and cure them. I attempted three dreadful attempts to end my mortality, but the third attempt, I still remeber a gospel doctrine teaching burst into my thoughts as I was slowly grasping for air; ENDURE TO THE END. I had rembered that teaching in the seminary class I was in currently attending. Even now, I had realized I almost comitted suicide, which is believed to be as serious to Murder, and to be horrified that I may have committed the unpardonable sin. I began to research these very serious transgressions. Finding that not much is known about Suicide itself other than the main commandment; Thou shalt not kill; or anything like unto it, determined that it could have (or would have) ended my chance to be brought into the Celestial and Terrestial kingdoms, but to serve one thousand years of the first Hell in the penalty of that transgression, then be brought into the Telestial Kingdom afterwards. I am shocked that I may have comitted the unpardonable sin, though it is not easy to commit. Correct me under the replys if my answer is incorrect (I am not trying to teach false teachings) but inorder to commited the blasphemy to the Holy Ghost (in which is to God/other sacred things alike) is to, have a perfect witness of God (Jesus Christ) through a vision revealed by the Holy Ghost, see him face to face with a undeniable sight, then with your own agency or even unworthiness, deny that he exists, stating he dosen't live. According to that, that is seen to be the unpardonable sin, have grieved the Lord to the extent that repentance is no longer possible, Murder is forgiveable or is "paid for" after the thousand years of the first Hell (Fisrt spiritial death), unless a person has commited the unpardonable sin as well. I am glad after researching these two serious sins, that I have not been revealed a personal vision of God himself, and very few people do during the years of my rebellion. The Prophet, previous Phrophets, higher authority, and very few people witness a vision of God himself. After I had been brought to hear; ENDURE TO THE END, I searched the scripture during seminary class to find two scriptures containg answers to my rebellion of misunderstanding of my weaknesses. One beginning off as; (Excuse me for not citiing any scriptural references, I cannot relocate them) I gave men weaknesses that they may be humble. The second; (can't remeber the whole scripture) I the Lord make weak things stonger. Both I still remeber in the back of my head whenever I get suicidal intentions. I'm glad I hadn't ended my own morality but I am still horrified about my own personal Apostasy with the church. As Apostasy is looked to be the highest of the sins, I am filled with despair, that even if God taught me by the Holy Ghost the answers of what I needed, there is no hope, that I maybe literally a Son of Perdition. I have not gone back to counsel with my Bishop, in fear of definite Excommunication (Though another scripture clearly defines what happens when we hide ours sins, located somewhere in Doctrine and Covenants, ending at the last part of the scripture; "Amen or Authority of that man"), I have as of not to re-talk to my Bishop. But with some other respones from chats (Though I should talk with my Bishop, and pray to God for an answer) from Mormon.Org, that I have not certainly committed the unpardonable sin, the fact I am looking for repentance underlines that, I may not be a Son of Perdition. I dreadfully hope that is the case. Somewhere according to the unpardonable sin, a scriptural reference explains that; "it is impossible to bring that man unto repentance", the fact I am looking to God to repent, is the hope I still hang onto repenting and not quit. One of the things my Bishop and and futher counseling form LDS.org described; Do not let Satan teach you that you cannot Repent; Don't look back; and don't give up, the Lord is patient. From those three teachings, I cannot determine whether or not if Satan is tormenting me that repentance is not possible, or the fact God is stating that I cannot. When I choose to sin, I still feel stings and feel ashamed afterwards of my decison, perhaps I still have hope? I still feel the need to repent of all my sins, rather than the attitude of a Son of Perdition that would have no desire to repent, though I keep thinking I may be already a Son of Perdition as I type. I am certain as I type with no regards to lie of this statement, I have not recieved a revealation of God, or his image nor the Father by the Holy Ghost. This is the only underlining piece of hope I hold on to, if that wasn't true, I may have not typed this post. I have random feelings of comfortable warmth in my bosom, perhaps the Holy Ghost, or rather an answer from God? I feel the need to repent yet will it be worth it to my salvation, is the devil tormenting me? I hate to bring these theories up, but I am left to an extent I cannot answer. Sorry for the bulk of my questions, my main need of advice after the bulk of my past is; Is there hope or even mercy for the likes of me? Does God to this point still love me? Does God Hate me? Would anyone have any experience or similar instances and found forgiveness from God? In dear upmost respect unto God himself and the church, I conclude.