steve354

The church of Jesus christ of latter Day Saints 100%

I am very proud to say that I am 31 years LDS

My friend The only that you can join the church by a true conversion from the holy ghost when you pray about it. This is something personal bewteen you and your HEAVENLY FATHER no one else. keep praying and dont give up. have happy easter Steve.

Just because it as not happen to you does not mean that it can't. then you wont think it's funny.

Thank you for all your help. you have been most helpful. Steve.

Thank you for your help. unable to get any mseeage to her at all. Yes the porn was from this site and from a member of this site. There was a message that come with to the words get lost all you mormons die just like your dead Prophet. The seacond bad one nights in a row now. Thank you for you help steve.

Hi my friend it's steve from chat room. I need to get a meesage to heather about someting pron that was sent to me. But I'm not on her friends list. how can I do this. message is very up setting. thanks steve

If there is anyone on here on could you please reply to this now. I need nrgent help with something and it needs to go to the top. please tell me how do this thanks Steve.

I fine it very hard to put in words the way I feel about my new life. This new life took place in Feb this year when I met my darling sweetheart who change it around like dream come true. Now I fineding myself doing thing that I have never done before. Like when I bless my food, the words we and our just come out without even thinking anything of it. Everything that I do is for us to live much better lifes then we had when we where so called married. So who is sailing my ship? we are saling it together, I can tell you it's a very beauitful feeling.

Try this site out. there you should fine someone to give the right answers and help your son out. www.LDSpro.com

A man dies and is getting his tour of heaven. His guide is pointing out the various features and landmarks when the man asks, "What's that cliff?" "Oh, you don't wan to look down there. That's hell!" The man creeps up to the edge and looks over. He sees lush, green valleys, verdant farmland and trees everywhere. "This doesn't look so bad," he says. Puzzled, the guide comes over and looks down. "Dang!" he snaps, "Those Mormons have been irrigating again!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Pope is sitting in his office and his secretary enters his office and says: "Um, sir I have a phone call here for you. It appears to be some good news and some bad news." "Well whats the good news?", asked the Pope. "The good news is it's Jesus Christ on the line." "Thats great! Whats the bad news?" "He's calling from Salt Lake City." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two elders were tracting in deepest Africa when they came across a large lion. The elders began to run. The slower of the two realized that he would not be able to out run the lion, he droped to his knees and prayed for heavenly father to convert the lion. When he open his eyes he saw the lion on his knees also and heard him say Father in heaven please bless this food I am about to consume. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An LDS missionary was an enthusiastic but not very capable cook. One day his companion saw that he was close to tears. " Elder, what's wrong? Did you get a 'Dear John' today?" Worse! I made a meatloaf for our dinner, but our landlady's cat ate it.!" "Don't take it so hard, elder. We'll buy her another cat." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How can you tell the difference between an IBM salesman and a Mormon missionary? You can't! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What happens when you get ex-communicated? You get a 10% raise and another day off! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You might be a Mormon if: Your idea of a good time is playing pictionary in the cultural hall Your relatives make up more than half of your town Your idea of a wild party is a six pack of pepsi and a PG-13 movie You and all of your friends come to your mom for a haircut in her kitchen You know a high priest isn't a priest on dope If you think baptizm for the dead is a flooded graveyard, you might not be a mormon -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is a Jack Mormon? A Seagull that won't eat crickets. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have you heard why all the pictures of Book of Mormon prophets always depict them with large arms? It's from scripture chasing with the brass plates. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends! If it is the Relief Society it take four. One to fix refreshments. One to bring the tablecloth. One to design the Center Piece, And one to screw in the light bulb. If it is the Bishopric, forget it, they don't do light bulbs. They call a Priesthood Executive Council And delegate it to the Elders. If it is the Elders it takes four. Three that don't show up, and One to change the bulb. If it is the High Priests it take five. Two to push the wheel chairs. One to handle the oxygen tank, One that falls asleep, And one to screw in the light bulb. If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two, But you have to wait until the end of the month. If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one. He holds the light bulb in the socket And the whole world revolves around him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joe: My home teacher is so good he comes on the first day of every month! Henry: Oh Yeah? My home teacher is so good he comes the day before that! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did God create woman? Because he looked at Adam and said: "Oh, I can do better than that!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you know why God created Adam first? He didn't want any advice on how to do it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Agnostic and an Atheists were married and had a real moral problem on their hands. You see, they couldn't decide which religion not to raise their children in. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A true story: It was a hot afternoon when the air conditioning went out in the Tabernacle during General Conference. President Hinckley stood up to address the sweating congregation and said, "It's warm. We're sorry. But it's not as warm as it's going to get if you don't repent!" Contributed by President Gordon B. Hinckley -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Top Ten Ways the Bible Would Have Been Different If Written by College Students: 10). Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips 9). Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten. 8). Forbidden fruit would have been eaten only because it wasn't dining hall food. 7). Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans. 6). Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates. 5). The place where the end of the world occurs.... not the Plains of Armageddon, but Finals. 4). Book of Armaments would be in there somewhere. 3). Reason why Moses and followers wandered in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman. 2). Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement. 1). Instead of creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, God would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My thanks to the First Presidency for this opportunity during which, as you can see, the lights combine with my cranium to bring some different "illumination" to this pulpit. Contributed by the now bald Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles during General Conference on 4/5/97 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bride on her wedding day: Mom, I'm at the end of all my troubles! Mother: Yes, but at which end? Contributed by Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Quorum of the Seventy during General Conference on 10/5/96. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On the high expectations placed on mothers. One young mother "felt like the world expected her to teach her children reading, writing, interior design, Latin, calculus, and the Internet--all before the baby said something terribly ordinary, like 'goo goo.'" Contributed by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles during General Conference on 4/5/97 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the car on the way home from Sunday School, we were quizing our four year old son, Jonathan, about the lessons of the day. "We had a great lesson today", he said. "It was about two thousand 'stricken lawyers." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A large family drove through Utah and really got into Book of Mormon culture. They didn't just drive through Manti, Jordon, Lehi, and Bountiful. One brother called his sister Amoron (a moron) and they all had Nephites (knee fights) in the car. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you're not LDS, you belong to a non-prophet organization. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You know you're a Utahn if: You are 25 years old and completely bald. Your were an aunt or uncle before the age of 3. Your spouses mother was pregnant at your wedding. You have more children that you can find biblical names for. Your family considers a trip to McDonalds a night out. Peanut butter on the seats of the car is an accessory. You feel guilty when you watch Monday Night Football. Your kids believe the deer hunt is a national Holiday: July 24th too. You consider a temple recommend a credit reference. At least two of your salad bowls are at the homes of neighbors. You believe you must be 18 years of older to order coffee at a restaurant. There is a similarity between the L.A. riots and ward basketball. You think Jack Daniels is a country western singer. You negotiate prices at garage sales. You make Jell-o without a recipe. You hear about BYU football in a testimony meeting. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Sunday School teacher was teaching the importance of love in the home. She illustrated her point by referring to the commandment, "Honor thy father and thy mother." She then asked if there was a commandment which taught how to treat sisters and brothers. One little boy from a large family raised his hand quickly. Innocently he asked, "Thou shalt not kill?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six year old daughter and said,"Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Sunday school teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring back their letter the following Sunday. One little boy wrote: "Dear God, We had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question: How are bishops chosen? ``Answer: The stake leaders find the most righteous, spiritual, most loved person in the ward _ and then they call her husband.''

Hi. Jarod. My Dear bother I'm like you right now. I have intellectual disability and my x wife use that to get what she wonted and got in to touble with law now I'm doing weekend detention which means i get loucked up from Firday night to Sunday afternoon. I lost blessing and they will be restoed to me soon after in about 8 weeks time. Take care to your Bishop tell him everything and before you know it you and your wife can be sealed in the Temple and to your children. PM me anytime if you would like to talk your friend Steve. :)

Presonally I have little faith these people. I was told the other day that by the year 2012 the too poles will be up side down. We will just have wait and see if their can get it right. 9 times out of 10 not even the poor old weather man can get it right.

So, God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. God said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it." Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" And God replied, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "So, what could I get for a rib?" And, the rest is history. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, Johnny what is the matter? Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Adam) "God, I have two questions concerning my wife, Eve. First, why did you make her so beautiful? (God) "I made her beautiful so you would be attracted to her" (Adam) "Why did you make her so stupid?" (God) "So she would be attracted to you" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sacrament meeting was about to begin and a mother couldn't find her son. She searched everywhere and finally located him sitting outside on the curb with his head in his hands. She said, "Son, we have to go in now. Sacrament is about to start." He responds, "I can't go in there, Mom. Nobody likes me. No one will talk to me." She says "But son, you have to go back in.... You're the Bishop

'' My wife will probably live forever. She has nothing but dresses she wouldn't be caught dead in" "As the missionary said when the cannibals put him in the pot, 'At least they'll get a taste of religion" Two Mormon missionaries in dark suits on bikes recently were left motionless and spleechless when two scantily clad females joggers passed them at Sego lilly Lane and 1300 East in Sandy. In fact, they didn't notice a Sandy City police car behind them, untill the officer advised over his loudspeaker, "Think of a hymn, elders".