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Again, I thank you for your insight and perspectives. Misshalfway: I appreciate your explanation of true devotion vs. 'going through the motions'. I guess I need to remember that there are people who choose to live this religion for their own personal convictions and not just because they were raised to do so. You are right about my parents as well. Unhappiness, as you stated, often "comes from incorrect thinking or behaving". I know neither of them blame their unhappiness on their choice to be sealed or the church. It makes me sad to think that they would stay in an unhealthy marriage because they are worried about what they won't have in the life after this. (this is by my mothers own admission, fearing the loss of that "forever family") I don't believe in a God that would deny someone happiness and peace in heaven for wanting the same on earth. (Albeit - their issues are far more complex - I hope that wouldn't be the deciding factor) Also, I thank you for assuring me that it's ok to doubt and question. I guess that is the way we learn, right? :) AutumnBreez: your statement of "serving two masters" hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course, it is one I grew up hearing, but never really realized that that is exactly what I do. My husband is very anti-mormon. It didn't start out that way, in fact, in the beginning he had been to church with me, taken discussions, supported me going, and had no problem with our children being raised with that influence. Of course, me being inactive and not living that lifestyle gave him ammo that he used against me constantly. I have spent the bulk of our 5 year marriage on the defense, for a religion that I myself have never had a strong testimony of. He was raised very strong evangelical christian, and all we can seem to agree upon are basic morals. He is very much removed from his religious upbringing and for lack of a better word, I would consider us both theistic, or even borderline agnostic. I love him and try very hard to keep the peace with him when it comes to religion, and hear him out on pretty much everything. In the meantime, I deeply desire a personal relationship with God and want to instill in my children that same desire. Thank you for sharing the story of your mom. I understand everyone feels a sense of obligation in one form or another. I depend on my husband financially and that is hard for me. The only thing worse in my book would be depending on him, or anyone else, for my spiritual needs. Thankfully, I still remember where my knees are :) Malcolm: Wow. You really hit the nail on the head. This may sound backwards, but nothing would make me happier that knowing the church was not true. I could go on happily with my life, one less burden removed from my marriage, and I could be on my way to rediscovering "truth". However, I live with the fear that it could maybe possibly be true - and that I have shut it out on purpose. I consider myself to be rational and reasonably intelligent, therefore I feel that my decisions should be based in fact and logic. I struggle with scientific evidence and historical facts. I don't think Joseph Smith was a prophet. I have never had a strong testimony of the church. I believe in God and that he desires good things for me. That's pretty much it. Haha - would it be ironic to be uncertain of the very existence of faith? (or just cynical...) What moved me most in reading these posts was your statement of who would be the one to instruct my children. All this time I spent worrying about them being indoctrinated with beliefs that are not my own, I have given them nothing. Although they are still very young, I know that it is important for me to be that influence, so I should probably bring something to the table! I have a lot to think about... and will. I thank you for your compassion and insight. To all - thanks again... B

Hey JaneaC~ Are you in considering some place specific? Let me tell you - you can probably get a lot of house for that price most anywhere but Seattle!! I grew up in southeast Idaho (Idaho Falls) and although I hated it as a teenager - my parents chose it for exactly the reasons you described. I recently moved back here and I have to admit it is getting better. There is a very strong LDS base here - a church in almost every neighborhood (no exaggeration) and tons of young families (BYU-I is about 25 miles away). We moved back here from Denver - which I loved and would recommend for so many reasons. The cost of living was obviously higher than in Idaho, but depending on the area - still well within your range. Just keep in mind - you can find the church almost anywhere, and everyone has some type of bias to their own ward. How old are your children? What is the most important factor in choosing your location? I highly recommend going to Stats about all US cities - real estate, relocation info, maps, race, income, photos, education, crime, weather, houses, etc. to gather some more information on places you are considering. Also, if you haven't already, just check out Century21 or Remax online to get an idea of what you will get for your money. In Idaho Falls: new construction, new schools/churches etc. - but as a side note - not a lot of trees (definitely not what you're accustomed to in Seattle) Let me know if you have any questions :) Good luck!!

Thank you for your responses. I wish I could address each individually, but for the sake of time... Let me just say - I respect those of you who maintain your faith in light of your own personal struggles with spouses or other members. My reason for posting is complicated. My husband is very much opposed to the church and wants our children to have nothing to do with it. Honestly, I can't say I disagree. I grew up thinking it was wrong to question the church, and any information 'against' the church was simply misinformation, completely unfounded, or for lack of better words, "of the devil". Only in my adult years do I come to realize there is much more to this story than I was ever taught. There is so much censorship regarding the early history of the church. I am not the kind of person who believes everything I hear or read. My information comes from multiple sources. Historical facts and science do not support claims of the church. Of course, the material is always considered subjective - seeing as it can neither be proved or disproved... but that's another story... I guess what I struggle with is this: Jesus died for all mankind. He didn't die for those who were baptized, married in the temple, or went to church every Sunday. I don't believe a person can do anything [more] to obtain eternal salvation. I believe there is an afterlife and that every person will be judged for what they do while on this earth. My perspective is that there is so much focus placed on individuals and the family (not complaining) that it is more a matter of self-preservation than actually living a "Christ-like" life. Then again, maybe I attribute this to growing up in an LDS community and seeing a lot of hypocrisy. Additionally... I think it is wrong to inundate young children with "the truth". I feel it's a rather audacious to claim to be the "one true church". I don't understand how people of all different faiths claim to have the same spiritual manifestations (of the holy spirit) yet they haven't received the 'fullness of the gospel'? I mean come on - what does that even mean? When you already have all the answers, it doesn't leave much room to learn something new, does it? And where does faith come into play? Mormons have either got to be the most faithful - or faithless on the planet! :) Anyway - to make a long story longer... I can't help but wonder if many people stay in the church out of obligation, guilt, or fear... My parents were married in the temple 30 years ago. I think the only reason they never divorced was because they were sealed. I have seen them (mostly my mother) miserable most of my life. I think God wants people to live happy, fulfilling lives - not live out of the fear they will lose it all in the life after this. I think we are here to serve God, and that will be our purpose after this life, not securing personal spiritual mansions. Am I on my own here? Also I must ask - If you felt that Joseph Smith was not a prophet, would you stay in the church? Sorry if this jumps around too much - it's pretty late. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Hello all! I am new to this site and this is probably not the best place for someone like me... but what the "heck". I am actively inactive, meaning I have chosen to be an inactive Mormon longer than an active one - but never having 'officially' left. A little history: I was born and raised in the church, my parents and siblings are active churchgoers, 2 have been married in the temple, and 1 is currently serving a mission. I am married and have children. My husband is not - and never will be - a member. I consider myself to be conservative and have not personally had any traumatic experience related to the church. I am not here to discuss of argue doctrine, rather, gain some perspective on members who may be in a similar place. I understand this site is pro-Mormon. I am not anti-Mormon. I am tired of hearing stories from bitter ex-Mormons and figured I'd try this approach. But please, do me a favor - if you consider replying to this, please refrain from bearing your testimony and have (at least!) a little life-experience (as in no one under 18 - thanks!) My intention is not to offend, just wondering if there are people out there who just aren't quite able to come to terms with this religion. I'd love to hear from you. God bless:)